Spider-Man? More like Can’t Keep His Freakin Eyes Dry-der Man! Count it…
But seriously folks, this was one of the weirdest movie watching experiences I’ve ever been a part of. Let me start from the top. First of all, there really is nothing better than seeing a big, anticipated action/sci-fi film on open night with a full crowd (unless its at the Bridge theater in Philadelphia). I was fortunate enough to see the film in Manhattan’s best theater, the Loewe’s on Broadway near Lincoln Center. The theater was packed with exciting fans, cheering along happily as we watched previews for every big franchise blockbuster coming out this summer (we got Shrek 3, Pirates 3, Bourne Ultimatum & HP 5, which was definitely the best trailer of the bunch.)
The movie begins with a bang, delivering one of the best action sequences of the whole 139 minutes. And it all goes a little crazy from there. This film has more tone shifts than any movie of recent memory. One minute, we have a cool fight scene in the alleys of New York, the next minute Tobey Maguire is weeping like a little girl, and a minute later, he’s doing a jazz dance number in a club. That’s right. A jazz dance number. Huh?
This movie is filled to the brim with contrived emotional moments. You know you’re in trouble when your lead actor appears on-screen crying and the entire audience erupts in fits of laughter. This happened several times throughout the movie. Every single main character cries at least once, many of them more than once. Spidey cries, MJ cries, the villains cry, Aunt Mae cries– it’s like a Lifetime Movie of the Week. And the audience just kept laughing and laughing.
Yes, the film is still a Spider-Man movie and thus, it is still awesome in spite of its many shortcomings. The action is great, the effects are pretty good, the comedy (when purposeful, such as the great “Evil Spidey” sequence) is genuine, and the tone shifts, while totally strange, do keep the moving from getting boring and keep the film imbued with an air of unpredictability. Also, Topher Grace is great as Eric Brock and the special effects when he becomes Venom are very well executed and make his villainous character very frightening.
The only elements of the film that truly fail miserably are the dramatic/emotional parts. They are horribly forced, horribly acted and just don’t work. I dare you to see this movie and not laugh your ass off at these ridiculous scenes. That being said, you should still see this movie. Even with it’s ludicrous attempts at drama, the movie is action-packed and a lot of fun for any viewer. Definitely worth the price of admission.
For featuring my favorite superhero, taking tonal risks and having dramatic scenes so contrived that one cannot help but guffaw, I give this film a generous B
Can I ever watch Tobey Maguire again? I think the answer would be, “Yes, but not without cracking up hysterically.”
I’m sorry, but I think that this screenplay is the funniest thing I have ever read. In fact, I am in the process of trying to frame it, page by page. Let me give you my estimation of what happened:
Raimi: We need a little bit more money.
Exec: No Sam. Your budget is a record-setting 250 million and you’re telling me you need more? What are you, fucking nuts?
Raimi:Well, it’s just that-
Exec: What? You’ve already spent the money?
Raimi: Umm…
Exec: What? Shooting hasn’t even started yet.
Raimi: We forgot to pay for a screenplay.
Exec: You’re shitting me.
Raimi: I wish I were.
Exec (pulls out his wallet, pulls out his only bill): Well here, take this. It’s 20 bucks. It’s the best I can do. The studio’s already over-extended itself.
Raimi: Uh-oh.
And that is how the Tobey as “cool Spider-Man/Peter Parker” scenes were born. C’mon, when he enters the jazz club and tells “hot legs” to “find him some shade” – you didn’t laugh riotously? And then, to make things even better, they have Tobey do the Will Ferrell dance-atop-tables routine! Literally, classic.
Before seeing the movie, I would never think Tobey could pull off acting the part of a suave pimp. And in reality, he couldn’t. Absolutely ridiculous. The best observation you made was about the tone shifts – that was so awkward to watch in the theater! I tried to hold back laughter, but couldn’t. Dialogue and cool Tobey are my two biggest critiques of the movie and for me, they totally sank it. If the box-office reflected true movie quality, this would’ve been in the red. But, since it played to the ultimate demo (everyone!), it was able to come away a profit-spewing record-breaker.