Media Maven Musings

For anyone who has read this blog, you’ll agree that on paper, I should love NBC’s new Wednesday night drama, Bionic Woman. It’s on NBC (my favorite non-cable network), it features the one and only Starbuck from Battlestar (Katee Sackhoff, for you non-BSG watchers), and it’s got a chick with robotic parts who can run, jump and fight like a badass. To quote Stewie Griffin, “Half man, half machine? Go cyborg!” Unfortunately, the show’s pilot, which I was able to preview this week, was less than captivating.

Now, I have a rule about pilots: never, ever judge a series by its pilot. You might have a great pilot and a crappy series (Studio 60 anyone?), a terrible pilot and a terrific series (the one and only Arrested Development), a bad pilot and even worse series (name any show on CBS), or a great pilot and great series (Lost and Veronica Mars spring to mind). Whatever the case may be, a pilot is not the make-or-break episode for a show. Pilots have the ridiculously arduous task of setting up the whole series, capturing the viewer’s attention, and still being a kick-ass episode in its own right. Simply being a good episode of television is a hard enough task by itself, without the added task of setting up the entire series, which may end up running for anywhere between 1-7 years!

So thanks to the Arrested Development Rule, as I’ll call it, I never give a show the ax after it’s pilot (I usually give a show three episodes, regardless of if I start at the pilot or not). That being said, the Bionic Woman pilot was not an auspicious beginning. For my money, the single most important aspect of any tv series, when it comes to long-term audience enjoyment and engrossment, is character development. If we love the character, the show would really have to suck for us not to like it. Once we get to know a tv character, they become an acquaintance, a friend we look forward to meeting in our living rooms once a week. And oddly enough, for a show named after its lead character, we didn’t get any character development at all for our Bionic Woman. I know it’s only the first episode, but when you look at a terrific pilot like the Lost pilot, think about how much we learn about Jack in the first 10 minutes, let alone the whole episode.

If I’m going to continually watch a show that’s carried 95% on the shoulder’s of its main character, I better love that main character in some regard. After the pilot, I know so little about the main character, I can’t even remember her name without looking it up (it’s Jaime Sommers). We meet her, she becomes the Bionic Woman, and after one scene of anger and confusion, she fully embraces her bionicism (I think I made that word up) and accepts her role as superhuman hero. Ok, we learn she and her sister don’t get along, but I think of a more cliche or boring relationship. The only character whose inner motivations we actually get to see are Starbuck’s, or Sarah Corvis as she’s known here. However, Starbuck is only signed on to do two episodes, so get your fill of her while the getting’s good (until BSG rolls around again in 08).

Moreover, if I’m not going to fall in love with the character, at least give me a really good premise.  After watching this pilot, I don’t have a clue what the rest of the season is going to be about.  Is it going to be 100% serialized?  Is she going to fight some new bad guy each week?  And most importantly, do I even care?  None of these questions were answered at any point during the incoherent pilot.  The only plus (besides Starbuck) was some dope superhero-esque fighting.  But how much mileage can they get out of cool effects and fighting if I’m already rooting for the bad guy and don’t give a damn about the main character?

I would go into more detail, but there really isn’t anything to go off of.  There’s some evil plot brewing having to do with a jail 1000 feet underground, some guy’s dad is important, I dunno.  And frankly, after just watching the Chuck and Journeyman pilots, I don’t really care.  You’ll get your requisite 2 more viewings, but you better get something going here fast Bionic Woman, cause this pilot certainly didn’t do much to help you.  My advice?  Unless you’re a huge Bionic Woman fan or something, this is not a pilot you need to see.  She gets hurt, replaced with bionic parts (an eye, an ear, both legs and an arm), and the project’s first bionic woman (Starbuck) is out to get her.   There.  I just saved you 44 pretty boring/confusing minutes.

Grade: C-   Prospect for rest of rest of season: Not good.