Heroes – Season 2, Episode 1 – “Four Months Later”

Well here we are again, another Heroes blog post. I cut my teeth as a blogger writing about this series and so no matter what direction it takes, it will always have a special place in my heart. I can still recall the sense of excitement and wonder I felt while watching the pilot episode last September, that all too rare experience of watching something truly special for the first time.

This, I assure you, is NOT how I felt while watching last night’s premiere. Contrary to my usually tv-watching behavior, I was chatting throughout the episode, cracking jokes, talking over lines, and you know what? I don’t think I missed a single thing because there just wasn’t anything to miss. Rather than plunge back into action headfirst, Tim Kring and the gang took a different approach, reintroducing us to all of our old pals (and some new ones) in a simple, unflashy manner. Take it to the breakdown!

1. Claire/HRG et. all — One of the only dudes without a power, HRG is somehow remarkably always able to draw my interest. We’ve seen him shoot his own boss in the head, shoot his own partner in the chest, and switch sides more times than an experimental sorority girl. I think what makes him so interesting is that we’re never completely sure what he’s capable of.  I love his determination to take The Company down along with his new buddy Mohinder, but at the same time, couldn’t you see him all of a sudden turning around and pushing Mohinder off a cliff if it suited his purposes?

As for Claire Bear, you and I both know this whole “unspecial” thing will last maybe 10 more seconds. She and her superboyfriend-to-be, East (or was it South? West?), will make a nice tandem of “aliens,” to use Southeast’s own term (or was it South by Southwest?). Two weird creepy things though: a) North is just hovering in the air watching Claire through her window? That’s called stalking, and it’s illegal. b) How frickin weird was the dinner table scene in the Bennett household? All these weird close-ups from a low angle, moving around from family member to family member, as if something significant was supposed to be highlighted, only there was nothing significant there. I’m guessing the director wanted to illuminate the awkwardness at the table, but it looked more like a rotating pot-smoking session from That 70′s Show than a meaningful family dinner (nice call, Rach).

2. The Petrelli Family– Mama Petrelli has a death threat, Nathan has a beard and a substance abuse problem, and Peter has amnesia and some sweet new energy bolt shooting power. Some questions: How does Nathan not know what happened to Peter? Why isn’t Nathan in Congress? Why does waiting for Peter’s return = becoming a drunk and having a Grizzly Adams beard? Finding out what happened to Peter is the storyline I’m most interested in. Where did he get that helix necklace?

3. Hiro/Kensei — Hiro, a.k.a. my least favorite character on Heroes because he has the moral fiber and disposition of a 7-year-old girl, runs around like a bitch, whining and moaning at Sark from Alias until he gets a fistful of shutthehellup. Couldn’t care less about this story line. I know Sark a.k.a. Kensei has a dope power that will emerge at some point, but until then, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care.  And by the way, how can Hiro stop arrows, teleport himself and a man on a horse, but he can’t get back to the present.  In fact, why doesn’t he even care about returning to the present?  For all he knows, New York just blew up!  Oh well, thinks Tim Kring.  Maybe they won’t notice.  F you, Kring.  F you.

4. Ando/Papa Nakamura– Ando got an Elvis haircut and a nice new suit. Papa Hiro is killed by a thin guy in a hood (Sylar?) This scene is one of the reasons I’ll never be able to truly love Heroes as I used to. I can’t STAND it when characters that should be intelligent, act in ways that are totally stupid for the sake of the narrative. Papa Hiro receives a death threat, and what does he do? He sends Ando, the least reliable person in the history of the world, to get him a sword, while he waits in the dark on a rooftop that has only one entrance. Are you kidding me? I guess he doesn’t have a power (or if he did, it was on par with Flashlight Hands girl–or was that 4400?), and I guess he was so stupid and inactive that he deserved to die. Good riddance, imbecile. I wish it was Tim Kring instead.

5. D.L./Nikki/Micah– ….

6. Maya/Alejandro– Unless they are together, Maya unwillingly kills everyone around her, probably by some sort of airborne virus. My guess? Mohinder will use their ability to help design a combatant for the virus that’s been killing people with abilities.

7. Molly/Parkman– Parkman is made a detective by the guy from Collateral who knows a lot about Miles Davis and then gets shot in the head (nice call, Reub). He and Mohinder live in a strange Two and A Half Men situation with Molly. Molly gets her teen angst on, and is visited by freaky dreams from “the boogie man” a.k.a. Kane, a new villain even worse than Sylar who will be popping up soon.

Some things to look for (Spoiler-esque) in the future:

1. Episode 8 is called “Four Months Ago,” where we get filled in on everything we missed between Season 1 and Season 2.

2. Sylar is peacing out around mid-season to go film J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek movie, but he’ll be back at the end.

3. We’ve got more new heroes to meet, including Micah’s hot cousin and Miss Veronica Mars herself, Kristin Bell.

4. Parkman’s baby will be born in a few more months. I wonder if he/she will have a power…

5. Peter and Claire are dating in real life. Gross.

All in all, this is the kind of garbage I’ve come to expect from Heroes. Cliche, predictable, pompous (everyone loves us so much, we can do whatever we want even when it’s dumb), and 100% action-less. This show hasn’t gotten my blood pumping for several episodes. While we got some minor powers-usage, none of it was high-stakes. Ooo, wait, we did get Ned Ryerson from Groundhog Day using his Midas touch to turn a spoon into gold (commented one of my viewing buddies: “What if his power is just turning things a different color?”) One more crappy episode and this show is officially going on notice.

Grade: C

Surely there are some dissenters here. What did you all think? Happy with the start to Volume 2: Generations? Unhappy? Do tell!