So as I watched the 80th Academy Awards, I decided to jot down my thoughts in real time, so you could all see what I was thinking as I watched. Wish I could’ve been in your living room to make the quips in person, but alas. If you’re watching now or feel like remembering some of tonight’s magic tomorrow, read on!
- Amy Adams — They couldn’t find anything interesting to put behind her while she sang the most undeserving Oscar nominated song of all time? Not even bright lighting or something? Just that weird rotating column? Oscar producers: Terrible. Take a lap.
- Jon Stewart– His jokes aren’t all zingers, but the dude is charming and affable. A really great choice for host.
- I’m officially in love with Marion Cottilard after seeing her cry when her buddies won for Best Makeup. She couldn’t be lovelier, and I’m already heartbroken at the prospect of her losing to Julie Christie later in the evening.
-Dwayne Johnson? DWAYNE JOHNSON? You make one successful Disney movie and then drop the name that lifted you to stardom? Remember your roots bro. Remember your f’ing roots. By the way, can you imagine The Undertaker coming up and giving the noms for best art direction?
- Golden Compass for Visual Effects??? Over Transformers?! Just becuase of that polar bear? I don’t remember those polar bear Coke commercials winning any Oscars… (my picks: I’m now 3 for 4)
-How many Cate Blanchett comments is Jon Stewart going to make? Is this to make up for her not winning any awards later on? Methinks I smell some pity jokes…
-Cuba Gooding Jr….Cuba Gooding Jr….Cuba Gooding Jr….We hardly knew ye.
-Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar last year? What a joke.
-Just looking at these Supporting Actor clips is leaving me breathless — these guys are all so frickin good, but obviously, Bardem took the prize. (my picks: 5 for 6)
- J. Stewart’s montages for binoculars and waking up from a bad dream were awesome. That’s the kind of hip, fresh writing this ceremony is usually sorely lacking.
-To the eleven-year-old girl singing “Raise It Up”: SING THAT ISH. F’ing sing it.
- MOZART OF PICKPOCKETS. COUNT IT. (6 for 7)
- Bee Movie at the Academy Awards? Did no one tell Jerry Seinfeld that his was the only major animated feature of the year purposefully not included in the Best Animated Feature category besides TMNT? Talk about not knowing when to give it up.
-Watching the clips for Best Supporting Actress is a very different experience for me than watching the clips for their male counterparts. Amy Ryan was better by far than all these actresses, except for young Saoirse Ryan, who, I’m now reminded, was truly tremendous.
-TILDA SWINTON??? TILDA SWINTON??? She was great, yes, but not even the same stratosphere as Amy Ryan. What a shame. (7 for 9).
-The Coen Brothers’ acceptance speech explains everything you need to know about their movies. They’re weird, slow, and kind of funny.
-Things I don’t care about: The Oscar nomination process. And Jon Stewart’s with me! But while we’re on the subject, why does Michael Bay get to vote for Oscars? He wouldn’t know a truly good film if it blew up a bus in a crowded urban location.
-If one of these damn Enchanted songs wins the Oscar (like I know it unfortunately will), it only proves the age and lameness of Oscar voters. I don’t have anything against Disney songs, but come on. Schwartz and Menken really phoned these in.
-How many times is Jonah Hill going to call Halle Berry “Holly”?
-Who are these clowns accepting for Best Sound Editing for The Bourne Ultimatum? And how funny was it to see how quickly they hustled off those 3 dudes who won for Sound Mixing? The third guy tried to get just a quick word in, but the music was already playing and the mic wasn’t even on. Hilarious. (My picks: 9 for 12).
-Marion Cotillard as Edith Piaf is one of the best performances by a woman in movie history. Her losing this award to Julie Christie in about 15 seconds would be an enormous travesty…OH YEAH!!! SHE WON!!! YES!!! I take back everything mean I said earlier about the Oscars. It appears these voters might actually know what they’re doing. I’m truly impressed.
- We’ve now seen product placement for Apple and Wii. What’s next, Jon Stewart driving onstage in a Mercedes?
-I love seeing Glen Hansard’s beat-up guitar. There’s a real musician for you.
-How good were the Best Picture movies of the 1970′s? And how lame are the winners of the 21st century? A Beautiful Mind? Chicago? Yuck.
-In case you haven’t been counting, The Bourne Ultimatum is now leading the winners with 3 awards. (10 for 14).
-Nicole Kidman’s liquid branches of diamonds are absolutely ridiculous. She looks silly, snooty, and asymmetrical. I’m going to go ahead and call her my least favorite presenter of the night.
-Note to Diane Lane: You’re hot. Stop ruining it with that silly short haircut.
-I’m not usually one to make comments about the celebrities dresses, but Penelope Cruz, come on! You’re a super hot international star! Why wear a dead chimpanzee for a dress?
-Amy Adams got a rotating column of golden discs and this John McLaughlin clown gets a full band and baker’s dozen of costumed dancers? And is that Putty from Seinfeld dancing with the Amy Adams look-alike?
-Once I saw Marion Cotillard win, I knew that the voters would do the right thing and pick Once for Best Song. This is a sweet, sweet win. (My picks – 11 for 15).
-Best speech of the night: Glen Hansard.
-Best second chance speech of the night: Marketa Irglova
-Nice win for There Will Be Blood — looks like it’s only going to be Best Actor and Cinematography for P.T. Anderson’s crazy film. I’m very impressed with Oscar voters– other than the Amy Ryan miss, they’ve really made some great choices tonight. (11 for 16).
-You always feel bad for the In Memoriam people for whom no one claps. Like Montague “Monty” G. Westmore, Dabbs Greer and Donfeld. I’m really going to miss those guys.
-I’m not crazy about any of these original scores, but I did appreciate the typewriter stuff in the Atonement score…and it just won. That’s why they call me the Maven. (12 for 17).
-Love this army officer nomination thing. It’s a little bit “look how supportive Hollywood is of the armed forces!”, but its a nice gesture regardless. Plus, Navy Petty Officer 3rd Class Joseph Smith looked like he was having a blast, so it’s all good.
-Yes, Taxi to the Dark Side! Way to make up for my huge gaff in picking La Corona in the Short Doc Film cat. I picked this film because I met the director Alex Gibney when he came to Penn a few years back in support of his film, Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room. Way to go, Alex! (13 for 19).
-Harrison Ford auto dealership joke? Groan. Boy, it’s easy to tell which jokes were written by Stewart and crew, and which were written by Bruce Villanch.
-Diablo Cody. She won an Oscar with her first screenplay! Despite the fact it featured the most obnoxious phrase of all time, “what the blog.” What a jerk.
-Is it just me, or was Bette Davis wearing a bejeweled swimmer’s cap when she gave Marlon Brando his Oscar in that old clip? Bette Davis has just knocked out Nicole Kidman for “Most Ridiculous Bejeweled Accessory” award.
-This Best Actor award is a waste of time. They should’ve just had Daniel Day-Lewis accept it when they gave out those technical awards earlier this week, since his win is really a foregone conclusion. Thanks for playing, other guys– you can all kiss DDL’s Best Actor behind.
-DDL is one eloquent dude. He gets second place for best acceptance speech. Too bad his silly pierced ears make him look like more of pirate than Johnny Depp in P’s of the C. (15 for 21).
-The only person who deserves an Oscar nomination less than Ruby Dee is Jason Reitman for Juno. No way this bro ever gets another nomination. No way.
-Coen Brothers are 2 for 2. They are definitely, definitely winning Best Picture (16 for 22).
-Get ready for the sweep…
-Told ya.
-Final Picks Count: 17 for 23. That’s 74% suckas. Anybody do better than that?
That’s all folks. Good night and thanks for reading!
Great stuff, Maven! I really enjoy reading your blog. And your Oscar comments were right on. My wife and I were saying the same things. Why was Nicole Kidman wearing tinsel? Miley Cyrus at the Oscars? What’s next – Drake and Josh present for best on-screen high-five? I’m sad “Blood” didn’t take Best Picture, but “Country” was deserving as well. And I will take away two words from this year’s Oscars: Gaydolph Titler. Maven, keep up the GREAT writing and insight!
Bette had shaved her head for The Queen Elizabeth movie and that’s why she wore the Bathing cap.
Thanks for the comments guys! Revkory, glad you enjoyed the running blog and thanks for the kind feedback– hope you were able to read it as the telecast was going. And as for Miley Cyrus, she was there as a Disney (read: ABC) product, but she was actually a decent and mature presenter. And yes, how can we now ever forget Gaydolph Titler? Genius.
Richard– thanks for clearing that up. What would I do without readers like you!
HAHA! classic moments last night! What I’m pissed about is that my Comcast DVR cut the show off right before the Best Picture nominations! That f’ing sucked! If you don’t mind, here are my comments of your comments:
#1) Did anyone really know who the hell was coming up to announce the nominations when Jon Stewart said “Dwayne Johnson”?!?! There was so few applauding people that I honestly think they had no idea.
#2) That little girl singing “Raise it Up” was incredible. I was doing homework at that point and actually turned around expecting to see some 50 year old gospel singer. What a SHOCKER that was!
#3) At what point did executives decide that they no longer wanted to see Jerry Seinfeld and would rather watch a talking bee?!?!
#4) It’s almost frightening how much Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen actually look alike…although, they did a nice job at killing the Berry/Dench joke. Well done fellas!
#5) Who was playing Wii with Jon Stewart?!?! Random segment and not very funny…
#6) Nicole Kidman looks like she just got stoned and laid all at the same time, right before reading off the nominations…good look for her!
#7) Glad to see the armed forces have time to fool around a little bit. No Sarcasm! I swear! It’s good to see that they can actually enjoy themselves every once in a while and that there lives aren’t completely miserable out there in the desert. Although…I wouldn’t exactly consider what they did to be “fun”.
#8) Daniel Day Lewis drank every other actor nominated’s milkshake. He drank it up! ouch…bad joke? I’m sorry…
#9) Too bad I didn’t get to see who f’ing won for best picture! DAMMIT! Oh well…it was a gimme anyway.
Check out my website @ http://www.SundayStadium.com. It’s sports talk radio every sunday morning from 8 – 10 (PST) at KCSCRadio.com
Good blogging media maven!
ps> what do people see in Miley Cyrus?!?! Whatever…glad to see she can at least read.
Jonah, your blog was amazing. and so accurate! I hope your trip to LA pays a handsome dividend to you, you deserve it and all else . PP
So happy to receive a comment from you, PP! Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words. I’m proud of your technological prowess!
You gotta give Tilda best acceptance speech. Never again will an Oscar acceptance speech be a joke about Cloomey’s pointy nipples.
This is Petty Officer Smith. Thanks for all the support you all have given to the Armed Forces. It truly means a great deal to those of us dawning the uniform. Thanks!
If that truly is you Petty Officer Smith, then it’s a real honor to have you post here on the blog. I’m sure you’ve heard it all before, but we schmuks over here truly and deeply appreciate all that you and your fellow soldiers do for our country. So don’t thank me– Thank you!!
Also, if this truly is Petty Officer Smith, I’d LOVE to have you weigh in on Generation Kill. Any thoughts on how that series is portraying life in Iraq?
Thank you so much for commenting!
Sorry it took so long to respond. Things as you can imagine have been hectic. I have not seen the series you are refering to but will try to do some research and give you an accurate answer. Thanks again.
PO3 Smith