Media Maven Musings

So I’ve been watching a ton of live tv lately because of the NBA Playoffs (Lakers over Celtics in 6 suckas), and thusly, I’ve been forced to watch dozens of horrible commercials over and over again.  Now usually, I despise all commercials, even the “funny” ones (my least fav of the moment is the Wendy’s Snack Roll one, you know, the rip-off of the McDonald’s Snack Roll, wherein a woman poorly hands out important documents at work by using her armpit to carry them so she can have a hand free to hold her disgusting-looking snack roll.  If I were her boss, I’d fire that fire crotch in seconds.)  

But lately, watching commercials has been like playing a kick ass game of “Spot the Out Of Work Television Actor.”  You know what I’m talking about.  Every other ad now is like “I know that guy!”, but its tough to know where you know them from all the time.  I’m going to guess this sudden appearance of random actors in national commercials is due to the strike?  I’m pretty sure commercial writers don’t belong to the WGA, so while their star-studded counterparts chilled in their vaults of gold coins during the strike, the lesser actors of America were forced to find work in the old Tivo skippers.  Below is a list I’ve compiled off the top of my head of recognizable actors in commercials.  If you know who these mystery men are, or can think of any commercials I’ve missed, please chime in so we can have a comprehensive list.  And so, without further ado, a bunch of actors who need jobs:

10. Melanie Nicholls-King, a.k.a. Cheryl, Kima’s girlfriend on Season 1 of The Wire – Viera TV 

What the hell is Viera?  Is that a misspelling of Sony?  Who ever heard of this company?  Do you know anyone with any product by Viera?  And isn’t Viera already a woman’s supplement and the name of a car Major confusion going on here, and even Ms. The Wire and her cute little daughter can’t help me understand it.

9. Punk-looking chick with face piercing — Progressive Insurance 

1000 hypothetical internet dollars to whoever can tell me what I know this chick from.  In the commercial, she works behind the check out counter.  Who is she?!  WHO?!

8. Adam Herschman a.k.a. Glen from Accepted - Alltel

There was actually some controversy surrounding Herschman’s employment as the dude in the yellow shirt, a.k.a. The Sprint Guy, in the Alltel “Wizard-painted-on-a-van-comes-to-life” ad, as Herschman was replacing some other random dude named Michael Busch who’d played Sprint Guy in the other Alltel.  I say, what’s the big deal?  It’s one chubby  ”sch” last name guy for another, plus Herschman played “Mr. Pickle’s Employee” in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, so you know he’s good.

7. Black guy and blonde girl — KFC Snacker 

Who are these recognizable actors?  I know I know them both from somewhere!  Well, at least the guy.  The girl looks like Brittany Snow, but there’s no way she’s fallen that far from her American Dreams, is there?

6. Page Kennedy a.k.a. U-Turn from Weeds - Bud Light Vent Can 

Oh how the mighty have fallen.  From Weeds to a one episode stint on My Name is Earl as gay inmate Jamal to the supporting character in another fruitless ploy by Coors Light to make people buy their beer because of can “innovations.”  Cans that have blue mountains, cans with vents, cans with magic fairies that pour the beer into your mouth– You think adding notorious gangster U-Turn will make me want to drink this beer more?  Well, you’re right, it does.  Touche, Coors.  Touche.

5. Kevin Sussman a.k.a. weird guy Steve from Wet Hot American Summer - Staples

Everyone’s favorite weirdo is back in action in this Staples ad, where he yells out printer ink numbers to a group of onlookers.  It’s almost enough to make me not hate the poorly run Staples on 15th and Chesnut in Philly where I once bought a bucket of colored chalk and a Cherry Push Pop. I know what you’re thinking: yes, they still make them and yes, they’re still tasty and sticky as ever.

4. Shaun Weiss a.k.a. Goldberg from Mighty Ducks - ESPN Mobile Fantasy

 Actually one of the funniest and best cast of the “celebrities” on here, everyone’s favorite high school/boarding school/junior olympic hockey goalie does a great post-game interview for ESPN Mobile fantasy. Too bad his excellent mic skills don’t translate into excellent movie roles (anyone catch him inDrillbit Taylor? Didn’t think so.)

3. Larry Cedar a.k.a. Leon from Deadwood - NatureMade

Larry Cedar takes the spotlight in this tv spot as Nathaniel Waterman, a vitamin historian discussing the merits of new NatureMade vitamins.  I can just imagine Cedar getting the call from his agent: “They want me?  They want me, Powers Boothe’s opium-addicted assistant to star as a British vitamin historian?  This is even greater than when Powers Boothe stabbed me and left me for dead in a bathtub!”

2. Marisol Nichols a.k.a. Audrey Griswold/Special Agent Nadia Yassir – Bally’s

Great googley moogely, this girl is smokin hot.  She was hot back in 1997’s Vegas Vacation, she was hot two years ago on 24, and she’s hot in this Bally’s workout gear.  You think adding this hot vixen will make me want to purchase a membership to Bally’s?  Well, you’re wrong, it doesn’t.  Suck it, Bally’s.  Suck it.

1. *Arrested Development Alert!*  Wayne Jarvis (John Michael Higgins) and Stan Sitwell (Ed Begley Jr.) — DirectTV

These two guys basically play their AD roles in this silly boardroom commercials.  A fine performance from Begley Jr. (who doesn’t utter a single line in some versions of the ad) and an even better performance from Mr. Professional, a.k.a. the worst audience member Cirque De Soleil ever had.

 

If you know the mystery men and women of #6 & #8, or know of any commercials I missed, please leave a comment! (Special thanks to Hermano and Warsh for helping me with some of these!)