I know I’m in the minority here, but I don’t care.  I love that so many people have turned out to vote and have picked up the cause, but now Im ready for the fall out.  It’s like we’ve been on a year long rise up Splash Mountain– I’m ready to take the plunge into the plastic briar and have my photo taken, which I can then purchase later in a paper Splash Mountain frame.  God, I love those pictures.  I always try to hold some kind of pose and look at the camera if I can.  Man, those are the best.  Uh, what were talking about again?

I love my comedies, but I love television that leaves me anxious for the next installment even more.  Right now, all 3 of those Monday shows are delivering big time in that department.

The worse night of tv?  Friday.  Is there anything good on Friday?  I’m about 40 minutes in to last week’s Crusoe 2-hour premiere.  So there’s hope for a Friday night solid, but not much.

Also, notice that not one of these shows appears on ABC or CBS.  Hmmmmm…

Who do they think enjoyed last night’s episode?  Resentful assistants and women over 40?  The A plot, B Plot and C Plot were all absolutely terrible.  TERRIBLE.  The writers are so maddeningly out of ideas that they had to bring back guest stars from Season 3 to fill the episode!  Really?!  Let’s break down each, quickly, before I get really angry and throw my laptop against a wall.

C PLOT — The strongest of the 3 plots, this minor storyline followed Ari, studio head Alan Gray, his golf pro (literally) Phil Mickelson, and the always talented Martin Landau as Bob, the old school agent, playing golf.  I think there was also some talking.  Yeah, that was it.  Golf and talking.  Oh, and after an anti-climactic bet that we all knew Ari would lose, Alan Gray died of a heart attack.  Way to fabricate an out for yourselves, writers!  You know how writers, actors, etc. always talk about something feeling organic?  Yeah, this was not organic.  Not in the least.

B PLOT — Turtle and Drama bitching at each other about nothing for 10 minutes.  Drama makes cliche impossible demands, Turtle clichely (made that word up) can’t get them done, then does get them done, then quits his job!  You go, Turtle!  You show Drama who’s boss!  Now you can go back to doing what you usually do during an episode– smoke weed and wear hats!

A PLOT — The worst A Plot in the history of the show.  Can anyone think of a main story that was worse than this one?  It was already shaping up to be awful when E and Vince’s day hinged on a meeting with Bow Wow, but then we got a useless storyline involving a domesticated Dom and his young family?  Did I accidentally change the channel to Lifetime?  I’m honestly miffed — I can’t understand how the producers, writers, story editors, network suits, etc. all signed off on this episode.  This is so far from Entourage‘s modus operandi that it can’t even be viewed as a laudable try to do something new– this was flat out wrong.  They should not have done this to us.  

Entourage, you’ve got 2 episodes to make it up to me.  The season is already halfway over and so far, absolutely nothing has happened.  Seasons that are 50% terrible usually become 100% terrible.  Just look at Season 2 of Heroes, Season 3 of Weeds, or Season 3 of Prison Break.  Those seasons started off poorly, and no matter how many times I said to myself “It could get better!”, those shows kept firmly to their paths of horribleness.  I stopped watching that season of P.B. (great call!), didn’t stop watching Heroes (horrible call!), and didn’t stop watching Weeds (a wash!).  So I’m going for the compromise here– improve, or you’re done til next summer, Entourage.  It’s time to put a little substance behind that flash.

Grade: F

1. Nikki/Micah/Monica — So Nikki is dead, right?  Psyche!  If there is anything Heroes is not, its ballsy.  Since when is anyone dead for real on this show?  Nathan had his skinned burned off by radiation: Not dead.  Parkman shot in the chest 5 times: Not dead.  HRG shot in the eye: Not dead.  Maya shot in the throat: Not dead.  D.L. shot in the stomach: Didn’t die until he was lamely shot by some weird dude in a club several months later (btw, how stupid was the introduction of “Gina,” a third personality for Nikki, that lasted all of 10 minutes?).  Plus, there’s my rule about on-screen deaths.  Unless you actually watch the person die, especially on a lame show like Heroes, chances are good that the person is alive.  Hell, on this show, you have a better chance of living if you ARE shown dying because it means you’re likely to come back to life!   Also, Monica couldn’t think of a single skill she learned to help her escape?  Really?

2. Elle — Poor, poor Kristin Bell.  So talented, so beautiful, and so stupid on this show.  Heroes is slowly chipping away at Bell’s coolness, as her character Elle could not be more one-dimensional and stupid.  I was hoping she would be killed by Sylar so her suffering would end, but sadly, this was not the case.  Will she be back for Volume Three?  Let’s hope not.

3. Sylar/Maya/Mohinder — Mohinder is so freaking dumb.  He’s willing to shoot HRG in the face to protect The Company, but he isn’t willing to destroy the antidote to the virus in order to stop Sylar, the most villainous man on the planet, so Nikki can have a cure?  Come on!  Grow a pair, Mohinder!  Plus, just when we thought we were rid of Maya for good, they fake killed her!  By the way, if there was any doubt about it before, there can be no doubt now: Maya and Alejandro are DEF the new Nikki and Paulo.  Maybe it’s the Latino thing, maybe its the whole “introducing unnecessary characters into already-huge ensemble shows and then killing off said new characters as quickly as they arrived” thing, but whatever it is, it ain’t workin.

4. Matt/Nathan — Hilarious piggyback flight to Odessa.  A nice touch of humor from a typically dour show.  It was nice to have Nathan come save Peter…again.  And all it took was a brief chat and wam! world is saved.  Way to tie up all the narrative lose ends in a hasty, ridiculously unsatisfying manner, Tim Kring!  Yes, this ending was prematurely forced due to the writer’s strike, but I expected a bit more than “Adam drops virus, Peter catches it, world saved.”  Didn’t you?  Also, how come Peter hasn’t used his Parkman abilities at all?  Wouldn’t it have been easier to read Adam’s mind then to blindly trust him?  Yet another narrative dust mite swept under the Heroes carpet of dropped plot points.

5. Hiro/Adam — Will somebody just kill somebody else already!  Sylar might be a villian, but at least he’s got the resolve to kill someone when he needs to!  Why not teleport Adam into some room, teleport out, teleport back in with a gun, freeze time, and shoot him in the face?  Come on!  You think he’s going to chill in that coffin forever?  Please.  I see Sylar and Adam teaming up in volume 3.  It is called “Villains” right?  Maybe throw Parkman’s dad in there?

Not much else of interest to discuss.  And now, whether you watched Volume Two or not, here is my distillation of the important events that occurred over this volume, and will impact the coming one:

1. Maya, Monica, Elle, West and Adam Monroe exist.  Monica has a cool power she doesn’t use, West is a tool, Adam Monroe is trapped in a coffin, Elle is irritating and Maya is the most useless character in the history of the world.

2. Sylar is evil and enjoys taking abilities from other heroes.

3. Peter is good and doesn’t come close to fully utilizing all the powers he has.  He cannot make a rational decision unless Nathan tells him what to do.

4. Peter’s girlfriend Caitlin was taken to a future that no longer exists and left there.  No one seems to notice/care.

5. D.L. (shot to the stomach by extra from Blade), Papa Nakamura (willing fall off a balcony), Victoria Pratt (shotgun blast), and Alejandro (shot by Sylar) are dead.  Nikki (trapped in exploding building) and Nathan (two gun shots to the chest) are most certainly not dead.

6. HRG works for the company (again).  Claire, mom and that brother guy will try to live a normal life.

7. No one cares about Nikki, Ando, or Lyle Bennett.   Molly and Micah have yet to hook up.

And that’s about it.  Isn’t it exciting?  Aside from the new characters, we’re looking at pretty much an exact copy of the way things were in Season One!  Way to hit that reset button, Tim Kring!  Think about it.  Did a single character develop, at all?  Is anyone remotely different from how they were at the end of season one?  No!  When is a good guy going to turn bad?  He might be annoyingly naive, but at least Mohinder is unpredictable.  You never know what team this guy is on.  But what about everyone else?  How interesting would it be to see Parkman’s powers unleash a dark side of him?  Or to see Peter go after The Company in the wake of Nathan’s assassination attempt?  Or to see Hiro turn in to the badass from the future in Season One?  Change something!  Develop something!

Until Heroes figures out a winning formula, I don’t see the show getting any better.  There’s so much corner cutting when it comes to narrative and emotional development, and yet the plot is never engrossing enough to have been worth all the cliches and coincidences that allow it to progress.  Other than changes in their abilities, these characters haven’t changed one lick since the pilot.  The only character to have undergone any significant personality change is Nathan (he used to be selfish and political; now he’s selfless and wants to save the world), but he’s so boring and unimportant (they must really regret giving him flying as an ability, since he can hardly ever use it) that it’s easy to overlook his character’s growth.

And think about it: were you really entertained by Heroes this fall?  I don’t mean distracted or occupied or intrigued, but entertained.  If you had to pay $5 an episode, would you have gotten your money’s worth?  I’d rather have my 11 hours back than sit throw this mess of a season again.

I feel more conflicted about Heroes than any other series.  The show has so much potential!  It has the opportunity to be one of the most unique shows on television, but rather than carve out its own way of doing things (the way Lost has, for example), it mires itself in familiar and formulaic drivel that we’ve seen a dozens times before.  I can’t give the show any more leeway.  It needs to make the leap from run-of-the-mill melodrama with a cool premise to fully-realized, one-of-a-kind series NOW, before all that potential is exhausted.  Last year, there was such a buzz around this show; the actors felt it, the media pounced on it– everyone was asking, “Is Heroes the next Big Important Show?”  This season, so far, has answered that question with a resounding NO, but it ain’t over until it’s over, and maybe, just maybe, Tim Kring can pull an incredible Volume Three out of his butt and bring back that sweet television magic we’ve all been craving.

But like any typical Heroes cliffhanger, I wouldn’t hold your breath for anything remotely satisfying.

Episode: B-    Volume Two of Heroes: D+

1. H.R.G. — Thank the gods for this character.  Without the realism and humanity of Noah Bennett, this show would have nothing in which to ground itself.  Everyone is running around, using powers or manipulating others for secret motivations or shady reasons, totally out of control.  Except for Bennett, who simply wants to protect his daughter.  See what happens when you use well-defined and realistic motivations for characters?  You get meaningful, compelling, organic storytelling!  It’s such a simple concept, yet one that Heroes shies away far too much.  Loved seeing HRG at the center of this episode, although is there anyone here who couldn’t predict the episode’s final shot?  Did you really think they were going to kill this dude off (though the painting did come true)?  No one gets killed off for real on this show except for Isaac.  Yeah, remember him?  He was awesome.

2. Claire/West — That’s right, I’m calling him West because now that he’s a man and not some whiny ass punk kid, he has earned my respect.  West is not scared or shy to use his abilities, something a lot of these heroes could learn a thing or two about.  I loved how West took on HRG, mano a mano, and then used his abilities again to bring Claire to safety.  I loved how Claire returned the favor by taking all the impact of that huge fall (another painting come true!).  I also liked how the writers didn’t have some big tearful scene with Claire after HRG got shot.  We already had a weepy Hiro scene and the episode was almost over.  Rather than indulge in the sappy emotional crap they think we want to see, it seems as if the writers finally understand that contrived, predictable emotional moments are best left unaired.

3. Hiro — Sort of lame, but at least he wasn’t in Japan and was using his powers like crazy.  Not gonna lie though– since all his crap is in subtitles and usually pretty actionless, I fast-forwarded  through his chat with little Hiro and his eulogy– if I can read it, why do I need to watch his expressionless face act it out?  And oh yeah, if you didn’t know, Adam Monroe/Kensei killed Papa Nakamura.  But we all knew that, right?

4. Elle/Bob/Mohinder — Bob Bishop’s (Bennett, Butler, Bishop– what’s the deal?  Run out of letters there, Tim Kring?) ruthless treatment of his own daughter is what spurred HRG to take such drastic measures to ensure Claire’s safety.  A brutal wake-up call for Elle, an excellent plot point, and a nice, edgy moment of genuine surprise and emotion.  I’m still confused as to why Bob is still a guest star and not a regular, seeing as how he’s been in every single episode, but whatever.  Either way, Bob is the big winner today.  He’s got Claire’s blood, H.R.G. is his captive, Mohinder is 100% on his team (I can’t believe he had the balls to shoot Bennett in the face!), and his daughter is alive, albeit bitter and injured.  Will Elle turn against her father?  Will Mohinder’s shame overwhelm him?  What is Bob’s real endgame?

5. Parkman/Angela — The missing lady is Victoria Pratt.  Parkman can plant thoughts in peoples’ heads.  That dude who gets shot in the jazz club in Collateral who plays Parkman’s boss looks like a bulldog.  Angela Petrelli is a good actress and one tough cookie.  But again, we didn’t get a glimpse of her power, or Papa Nakamura’s for that matter.  Didn’t you think we would finally get to see it, since he was about to die for real?  And since he said “We have the power of Gods”?  So what’s the power?!  I like that Parkman stole the secret about Pratt from Angela.  He has sky-rocketed to arguably the second or third most powerful hero after Peter and maybe Hiro or Claire/Kensei– will he allow these powers to control him and turn him into a sinister being like his father?  Or will his good heart win out over the endless possibilities his power provides?  For the first time, Parkman has become an interesting, conflicted character.  Let’s hope he stays that way.

Conflict.  It’s what these characters have been missing so dearly.  Parkman’s always been the predictable, lame good guy, but now he has a small speck of darkness in him.  Elle has been a weird, power-hungry hottie (oh god, how hot did she look by the pool?!), but now she has new knowledge about her beginnings that could cause her to rethink some things.  Mohinder, who has always done the morally right thing, found it necessary to kill (or so he thought) a man who was simply protecting his daughter.  Angela Petrelli, who has a cold as ice exterior, resists with all her might to protect the secrecy of her friend’s life.  Look at all this inner conflict!  I love it!  It’s human, realistic, developed, interesting!  Who wants to watch a bunch of predictable one-dimensional characters go through the motions when we can have three-dimensional characters who struggle to make the right decisions in difficult situations?

If Heroes can take this notion of conflict and run with it, we’re in for a rejuvenated series, mark my words.   I know there are only two episodes left in this volume, and so I’m praying this will be a big picture shift in the writers’ approach to the series.  Let’s hope the final two episodes deliver big, in terms of both plot and character, and that the show leaves us wanting more come hiatus time.  If not, Heroes is going to have to put in some super-human effort to keep already dwindling audiences from abandoning the series in droves.

Grade: B+ 

Chuck — This show is getting better and better. Once Weeds and Heroes end soon, I will definitely start covering this fine program more. Last night’s episode was terrific. Sarah loves Chuck, Chuck loves Sarah and Lou (what’s the deal with that? We’re already got a female Chuck on Pushing Daisies. Now a female Lou? It’s not attractive.), and Chuck is starting to be a damn good spy. This show is on the up and up.

Heroes — Last night was terrible. Absolutely terrible. I hated it. This show sucks.

Weeds — The finale is next week. Think Nancy’s problems are actually solved? I’m guessing next week is a HUGE shit show. Grow house burning down? Shane does something even crazier? The DEA finds the grow house and so Nancy allows it to burn down to protect herself? Who knows, but it’ll be great no matter what!

Damages — It’s been renewed for 2 more seasons, with Glenn Close signed on. FYI. Let’s hope the horrific finale was not an indication of things to come.

The Strike — Many blogs are taking today off in a display of solidarity with the writers. But how does that hurt anyone but you readers? I’m not going to do my usual 2-3 post Monday, only this one, because I understand the sentiment, but I also know you guys don’t deserve to get burned because of greedy studio heads.

And now, to dissect another terrific ep of everyone’s favorite time-traveling drama:

Every episode of Journeyman can be neatly divided into the episodic and the serialized. Last night, we had a perfect 70-30 balance of serialized to episodic. There was just enough episodic stuff to keep the show moving and to facilitate the discovery of important serialized info, but mostly, we got juicy developments in the serialized narrative that we truly care about.

1. Jack/Dan/The $$$ — I love the back and forth, conflicting nature of this brotherly relationship. It’s clear that Jack and Dan love each other, as so many brothers do, but it’s equally apparent that these two have a deep seeded rivalry that has continued to grow and grow like a rolling snowball, picking up new layers as new clashes arise. Jack loved Katie — he lost her to Dan, and now he’s sad, lonely and bitter (how heartbreaking was his final scene in the bar?), but trying to be mature about it. He cares about Dan and wants to protect him like a good older brother, but he crosses the boundaries of reason too often. Dan is not nearly grateful enough to Jack for his constant affection and attempts to help, as he views Jack’s gestures as the overbearing power trips of an older brother. However, you know that if Jack were ever truly in trouble, Dan would be there. So what’s going to happen with Jack, Dan and Ryan Chapelle? Did Dan get rid of all the money in the hippie heist in 1974? Is Jack going to get them into even more trouble by stealing that 20 dollar bill that Dan left in the past accidentally? Only time will tell (count it!)

2. Kate – She’s going back to work and she’s super jealous of Dan and Livia’s time together in the past. If Dan ever gets stuck in the past for a long period of time (remember, Livia said the trips will get longer and longer), their relationship could be in serious jeopardy.

3. Livia — SHE’S FROM 1948!!!! AWESOME! This development also spells future (no pun intended) issues for Dan: is he going to get stuck in some past time, like Livia was stuck in the 80′s-90′s? Will he ever travel back far enough to see Livia in her present, as she is constantly seeing him in his? Does Livia ever travel to the past, or only to the future? Will Dan ever travel to the future, or only to the past? These are the kinds of questions that any invested viewer loves to chew on as the series unspools. Sadly, there are only a few episodes left (due to the strike, only 12 of the ordered 13 episodes will air, and the show has not yet been ordered for a full season), so I don’t know how much more we’re learn before the season ends.

4. Dr. Elliot TimeTravel (or whatever his name is) — Definitely knows what’s up. The way he kept telling Dan to keep his “book” quiet, you knew he wasn’t just talking about a novel. He will definitely have an important role to play somewhere down the line. You can count on that.

A short synopsis I know (you don’t really care about the hippie girl do you? Although it was awesome to see a cameo from Jonathan Kent himself, John Schneider, especially following the recent cameo of Tom Baldwin a.k.a. Joel Gretsch as Dan’s asshole dad), but the important thing to note is that this show is really starting to reward viewers who have been sticking it out since the beginning. These characters are very 3-dimensional (at least Dan, Jack and Katie are, and it seems Livia’s mysterious personality is going to start filling in as she and Dan spend more and more stolen time together), and their relationships are grounded in realistic conflict and love. Without this true human element, the fantasy aspects of the show would take over completely and render this show a sci-fi bonanza with little heart or purpose. As long as Dan has to balance his duties as a husband, father and brother with being a time-traveling hero, this show will have an endless number of conflicts and issues to explore. I can’t wait to see how this series plays out, and I hope it doesn’t get canceled!

Grade: B+

Have you been watching? Are you liking the recent developments on the show as much I have? Let me know!